Polite? Let's get [it started] retarded.

I think our culture's fascination with being politically correct is pretty intense.  We've set ourselves an impossible standard.  As well as no one ever being able to be completely politically correct (on the off chance that anyone would ever actually want to be), I just think it would be an incredibly boring existence.

Before people think that I'm racist, sexist, homophobic, an ableist, or any 'ist' that I've missed out on, wait till I've finished.  Then you might be able to see how offensive my post actually is (not that I'm trying to be offensive but people can be so touchy these days).

I don't swear (by my own standards, maybe by some granny's standards I do [was that just some ageism I detected?]).  I went through a rebel stage when I was twelve, I even used the 'c' word.  Then one day I had an out of body experience in which I heard myself and thought 'wow, what a little bogan-loser' (not that I would ever judge someone who swears, except myself, and I think at this stage we're still allowed to do that).

I do, however, use words like lame, bugger, bitch and....... retarded.

Once my friend(who does swear) and I were chill-banging, having a convo, you know, loving life, when her sister came home with a friend from work.
Well this friend jumped on pretty much anything we said and told us why we couldn't use that word.
Bitch - gone for obvious gender reasons, lame - gone because of people who can't walk, retard - gone and I think we all have the brain cell it would take to figure out why.
My friend shot back at her: "how boring is my conversation going to be if I can't use all of my favourite words?"
This girl was apparently uninterested in the entertainment value of our conversation.
I sat there diplomatically soaking in both sides of the argument.
Here's the conclusion I reached: that bitch was a retard with lame rules that I couldn't be buggered to follow.

I don't know where we can start to draw lines between what is and isn't offensive because it's so subjective. Plus, who knows the flipping meanings of every single word?  Apparently 'dude' means a whale's penis (or a camel, can't remember) but I guess you can't offend a whale so who cares, right?  Wrong!  Whales have feelings too.

More importantly, when you want to actually offend someone, or highlight that you really don't like a person, words like 'silly billy' just aren't going to cut it.  The words need to have offensive meaning attached to it (I guess this makes me a bad person, but I'm down with that).

On the other hand, I do draw a line at homophobic and racist slang.  I guess this coincides with these two things being particularly culturally taboo.  Oh no, I'm a product of my society, time to schedule an identity crisis.

I know I've bleached the meaning right out of words like retard.  I know I don't use it out of hatred.  But still, I guess this might not be good enough.   Being PC is really flipping hard and a little bit boring.  So do I shrug and say 'YOLO' or grow as a person?

Food for thought.

Why so serious?

My first thought about ethnomethodology is that Garfinkel reminds me of this guy:

Garfinkel found, using the Breaching Experiments, that people couldn't really cope with disturbances to the social order.  Using very similar methods the Joker found that given the chance the people of Gotham wouldn't blow each other up.  They were both social experimenters and they inspired me to be one too.

I swore that I would never give words with more than 8 letters the time of day.  I also swore I'd never write a blog.  I guess SOC250 is just breaching personal contracts I made with myself left, right and centre.  Here are my ethnomethodological findings.

I came home today and decided to do the thing where you try to make someone specify what might have otherwise been another mindless social interaction (some call it being polite).  Who doesn't love a bit of 'righteous hostility' at the end of the day?  

I said: 'hey, what's going on?'

They said: 'not much.  Where have you been?'

I said: 'do you mean where have I been just now, or do you mean half an hour ago, yesterday, this week, this year?  Or do you mean where have I been in life, like in a Jenny-from-the-block kind of way?'

They ignored me.

That's when I knew Garfinkel was right, I was getting a taste of his medicine and it was bitter.  It's just common decency to reply to someone when they've spoken to you.  Especially if they've gone to the trouble of referencing one of Jennifer Lopez's greatest hits.  The righteous hostility set in.

I said: 'just gonna ignore me then?  How polite.'

They said: 'well, you're going on with crap!' There was the righteous hostility I was looking for.

I said: 'well, you've just been a subject in a sociological experiment, and if you were wondering, you've made the entire human race look like a bunch of idiots!'  I could tell that one stung.

It doesn't get much more empirical than this guys.  Garfinkel was a magician. 

Heritage, J 1984, ‘The morality of cognition’, in Garfinkel and Ethnomethodology, Polity Press, Cambridge, pp75-102.

In the Heat of the Moment.

Last year I was living on campus of a college I was attending in Newtown.  It was the last night of our mid-year holidays, everyone had arrived back and were all, at this time of night (roughly 9), in their warm little beds loving life.  

Not me.  

I had a brand spanking new clothes steamer to try out (the ironing board there was so bad, lame excuse to own a clothes steamer, but I'm pretty awesome like that).

Off-stage:

I begin to steam a shirt and the fire alarm begins to go off.  I figure it must be me and before even thinking about it I disassemble my steamer and shove it under my bed (one of my finer moments).

Front-stage:

I walk up to the evacuation point where everyone is already standing  They're in their pyjamas not loving life.  I immediately begin to yawn and pretend the street light bothers my newly opened eyes. I did Speech and Drama lessons as a child so I know it's convincing.  I'm not wearing pyjamas though.  

What I lack in costume I make up for in talent.  

We have a back to base alarm system so we all have to wait for the fire brigade to come.  Everyone is complaining (it's very cold) and speculating (was someone making toast?). I throw a few gems into the mix about what could have set the alarms off.

Back-stage:

I pull two friends around a corner to tell them my story.  I wait for them to tell me I am not to blame.  

They do.  

Surely steam doesn't set off a fire alarm?

Front-stage:

I have a new found confidence as I now believe I'm really not to blame.  I rejoin the speculations (someone could have been lighting their deodorant on fire with matches, or a blowtorch).  

A fireman comes out and one of the girls asks "which room was it?"  

He says "M27". 

Surprise twist, that's my room.  

She turns and asks "who's in M27?"  

Crickets chirp.  

Everyone decides to walk back through my corridor to see who the perpetrator is.  

I walk into my room with my head held down in shame.

Lessons:

1. Don't steam your clothes.  It's embarrassing, even if you don't set off an alarm.

2. Don't pay for Speech and Drama lessons as a child because, in life, you can't always win.

Deference and Demeanor

We are all social actors.  Whether we equal Meryl Streep or Miley Cyrus we are all concerned with presentation of self.  Erving Goffman uses the concept of deference and demeanor to explore how we conduct ourselves towards others(deference), as well as how we present ourselves for others(demeanor).

Deference is conveyed through different gestures to indicate another individual's authority or right to be appreciated or respected.  For example, deference can be seen in gesture's shared between employer's and employee's to indicate authority, or between the young and the elderly to indicate respect.

Demeanor has to do with creating a self image for the benefit of others.  Demeanor includes how we carry ourselves, hygiene included, right through to how we respond to a range of social situations.

I guess the question could be asked: why even bother?  But the answer is simple, because who doesn't love a bit of social order, am I right?  I often dream of a world where teens run around slapping old people (lack of deference) and the notion of bathing and wearing deodorant is antiquated (lack of demeanor) and yet the truth is that I do prefer social order.

A few years ago I had my wisdom teeth surgically removed.    All the patient to nurse niceties were observed (I told her that I had done a wee when she asked) indicating my deference to my nurse as well as my very well-bred demeanor.  The nurses demeanor, however, left a lot to be desired.  In my intensely groggy, post-general anesthesia state she gave me a jug of water neglecting to pour it into my cup so that I could spill it all over myself, she let me fall to the ground because she couldn't be bothered to help me off my bed and she kept mispronouncing my name even though she'd asked and been corrected at least three times(you just can't teach that sort of bed-side manner).  Yet, I still kept up my end of the social performance.  Not just because I can't wheel my own bed into the operating theatre, and not just because next time I have my wisdom teeth removed I don't want someone to spit in my mouth, but because the maintenance of social order will turn out best for everybody.  Right?