Deference and Demeanor

We are all social actors.  Whether we equal Meryl Streep or Miley Cyrus we are all concerned with presentation of self.  Erving Goffman uses the concept of deference and demeanor to explore how we conduct ourselves towards others(deference), as well as how we present ourselves for others(demeanor).

Deference is conveyed through different gestures to indicate another individual's authority or right to be appreciated or respected.  For example, deference can be seen in gesture's shared between employer's and employee's to indicate authority, or between the young and the elderly to indicate respect.

Demeanor has to do with creating a self image for the benefit of others.  Demeanor includes how we carry ourselves, hygiene included, right through to how we respond to a range of social situations.

I guess the question could be asked: why even bother?  But the answer is simple, because who doesn't love a bit of social order, am I right?  I often dream of a world where teens run around slapping old people (lack of deference) and the notion of bathing and wearing deodorant is antiquated (lack of demeanor) and yet the truth is that I do prefer social order.

A few years ago I had my wisdom teeth surgically removed.    All the patient to nurse niceties were observed (I told her that I had done a wee when she asked) indicating my deference to my nurse as well as my very well-bred demeanor.  The nurses demeanor, however, left a lot to be desired.  In my intensely groggy, post-general anesthesia state she gave me a jug of water neglecting to pour it into my cup so that I could spill it all over myself, she let me fall to the ground because she couldn't be bothered to help me off my bed and she kept mispronouncing my name even though she'd asked and been corrected at least three times(you just can't teach that sort of bed-side manner).  Yet, I still kept up my end of the social performance.  Not just because I can't wheel my own bed into the operating theatre, and not just because next time I have my wisdom teeth removed I don't want someone to spit in my mouth, but because the maintenance of social order will turn out best for everybody.  Right?