In the Heat of the Moment.

Last year I was living on campus of a college I was attending in Newtown.  It was the last night of our mid-year holidays, everyone had arrived back and were all, at this time of night (roughly 9), in their warm little beds loving life.  

Not me.  

I had a brand spanking new clothes steamer to try out (the ironing board there was so bad, lame excuse to own a clothes steamer, but I'm pretty awesome like that).

Off-stage:

I begin to steam a shirt and the fire alarm begins to go off.  I figure it must be me and before even thinking about it I disassemble my steamer and shove it under my bed (one of my finer moments).

Front-stage:

I walk up to the evacuation point where everyone is already standing  They're in their pyjamas not loving life.  I immediately begin to yawn and pretend the street light bothers my newly opened eyes. I did Speech and Drama lessons as a child so I know it's convincing.  I'm not wearing pyjamas though.  

What I lack in costume I make up for in talent.  

We have a back to base alarm system so we all have to wait for the fire brigade to come.  Everyone is complaining (it's very cold) and speculating (was someone making toast?). I throw a few gems into the mix about what could have set the alarms off.

Back-stage:

I pull two friends around a corner to tell them my story.  I wait for them to tell me I am not to blame.  

They do.  

Surely steam doesn't set off a fire alarm?

Front-stage:

I have a new found confidence as I now believe I'm really not to blame.  I rejoin the speculations (someone could have been lighting their deodorant on fire with matches, or a blowtorch).  

A fireman comes out and one of the girls asks "which room was it?"  

He says "M27". 

Surprise twist, that's my room.  

She turns and asks "who's in M27?"  

Crickets chirp.  

Everyone decides to walk back through my corridor to see who the perpetrator is.  

I walk into my room with my head held down in shame.

Lessons:

1. Don't steam your clothes.  It's embarrassing, even if you don't set off an alarm.

2. Don't pay for Speech and Drama lessons as a child because, in life, you can't always win.

Deference and Demeanor

We are all social actors.  Whether we equal Meryl Streep or Miley Cyrus we are all concerned with presentation of self.  Erving Goffman uses the concept of deference and demeanor to explore how we conduct ourselves towards others(deference), as well as how we present ourselves for others(demeanor).

Deference is conveyed through different gestures to indicate another individual's authority or right to be appreciated or respected.  For example, deference can be seen in gesture's shared between employer's and employee's to indicate authority, or between the young and the elderly to indicate respect.

Demeanor has to do with creating a self image for the benefit of others.  Demeanor includes how we carry ourselves, hygiene included, right through to how we respond to a range of social situations.

I guess the question could be asked: why even bother?  But the answer is simple, because who doesn't love a bit of social order, am I right?  I often dream of a world where teens run around slapping old people (lack of deference) and the notion of bathing and wearing deodorant is antiquated (lack of demeanor) and yet the truth is that I do prefer social order.

A few years ago I had my wisdom teeth surgically removed.    All the patient to nurse niceties were observed (I told her that I had done a wee when she asked) indicating my deference to my nurse as well as my very well-bred demeanor.  The nurses demeanor, however, left a lot to be desired.  In my intensely groggy, post-general anesthesia state she gave me a jug of water neglecting to pour it into my cup so that I could spill it all over myself, she let me fall to the ground because she couldn't be bothered to help me off my bed and she kept mispronouncing my name even though she'd asked and been corrected at least three times(you just can't teach that sort of bed-side manner).  Yet, I still kept up my end of the social performance.  Not just because I can't wheel my own bed into the operating theatre, and not just because next time I have my wisdom teeth removed I don't want someone to spit in my mouth, but because the maintenance of social order will turn out best for everybody.  Right?